What Drove My Parents To Drink

When I was a little girl in Catholic school, we didn’t have to go to mass every single day, but it sure seemed like we went an awful lot. Holy days of obligation, they were called, when they happened on a weekday. You may have heard of Ash Wednesday; that was a popular one.

Of course we went to mass on Sunday too. That’s on top of daily religion lessons held in the classroom. So you might assume that I heard the same Bible stories and the same sacramental rhetoric about fifty billion times. What’s a ten-year-old to do, but come up with a creative distraction?

This one was my favorite. You know the game where you take your fortune out of a fortune cookie, read it out loud, and then add “in bed?” The same game can be played with the hymnal. Take it out of the slot in the pew in front of you, open it at random, and say the name of the hymn out loud. Tack on “in bed” afterward. Every page is a winner!

Here’s some sample hymn titles to show you what I mean.

1. O Godhead Hid
2. Like A Strong And Raging Fire
3. Sweet Savior Bless Us Ere We Go
4. Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence
5. Hide Not Thou Thy Face
6. Now, My Tongue, The Mystery
7. O Food That Weary Pilgrims Love
8. Always What I Need

Of course, these are best accompanied by a great big organ.

Are there any hymns, Christmas songs, or whatever that you can add to the list? C’mon, we’re all going to hell anyway!