C’mere, I want to show you something.


See that handsome man over there? Go over and introduce yourself. Ask him about his family, his job, and his hobbies. Make him laugh. In other words, get under his impressive facade and see what he’s all about. How else are you going to know if he’s worthy of a stunning creature like you? What if he turns out to be a waste of time and Stila foundation primer?

Look, I get it. Committing to something sight-unseen is for rubes and mail-order brides. Expectant mothers know their baby’s gender months ahead of time. Travelers plan long-awaited vacations based on what total strangers on TripAdvisor have to say. You’re thinking, “How do I know if I should buy Judy’s book when I don’t even know what’s inside?”

Well, wait no longer. Are you ready? I’m going to let you look at the Table of Contents. If you like what you see, then hop over to Goodreads or Amazon.com and have a look at the reviews. Or, if you’re an impulsive sort of gal, just click here and I will send one right out to you. You’re going to want a Bloody Mary recipe to bewitch that handsome man!

I want to show you something.

Part I – Celebrations
Let Me Be the First to Welcome You to the Neighborhood
It Took Me All Friggin’ Weekend, But I Finally Got the Grout Clean
Tonight’s Our Anniversary and My Mom’s Watching the Kids
The Pregnancy Test Was Negative
Tell Us Again How He Proposed
I Landed the Account, Bitchez
My Daughter’s New Boyfriend Isn’t An Asswipe
Garnish: The Bloody Paparazzi

Part II – Incantations
Maybe They Won’t Notice I Burned the Steaks
The Way to a Man’s Heart Is Through His Stomach, But That’s Not Where I’m Headed
Remind Me Why I’m Going Skydiving Tomorrow
When I Win the Lottery, I’m Quitting This Crappy Job
I Know We Just Met, But I Want to Have Your Babies
I Want This Promotion So Bad I Can Taste It
I Really Hope I Fit In At This New Country Club
Go Packers
Garnish: I Know What You Drank Last Summer

Part III – Conflagrations
He Called Out My Sister’s Name In Bed
They Told Me It Was a Costume Party
If You Think I’m Paying For This Haircut, You’re Sadly Mistaken
I Oughta Put a Carbon Footprint Right On Your Face
My Kids Found My “Private Drawer”
Garnish: The Bloody Mary Hall of Flame

Part IV – Affirmations
It’s My Birthday and I Want Breakfast in Bed
This Outfit and I Deserve a Night on the Town
This is My First Really Healthy Relationship
My High School Reunion is Two Weeks and Five Pounds Away
Hos Before Bros
The More Resentment I Release, The More Love I Can Express
Garnish: Will The Real Bloody Mary Please Stand Up?

Part V – Destinations
My Tax Refund Just Bought Me a Week in Cabo
Actually, I’m More of a Ski Lodge Bum
I’ve Decided to Go Back to College
I Never Got to Go Backpacking Through Europe
We Should Go to Hawaii More Often
What a Perfect Day for a Picnic
What’s the Guatemalan Phrase For “Please Untie Me?”
I Spent Three Months In Palm Desert One Weekend
Garnish: Location, Location, Location

Part VI – Transformations
We Need A Bigger Garage
All I Need Is Comfort Food and a Little “Me” Time
Good Help is So Hard to Find
Blondes May Have More Fun, But Brunettes Have Better Fun
I Need A Hobby Now That the Kids Have Left Home
Garnish: The Bartender’s Friend – A Glossary

Part VII – Commiserations
It’s Not You, It’s Me
I Can’t Manage My Money If I Don’t Have Any
There’s Nothing Fun To Do This Weekend
It’s Raining For the 47th Day In A Row
I Haven’t Had A Cold This Bad In Years

Epilogue: I Think I’m Turning Into My Mother

What do you think? Are you itching to know more? Get yourself a book right here, and let’s get to know each other better.